Poor Pop Culture Knowledge

This blog will be more up Jeni’s aisle, i.e., no sports.

I just took a pop culture quiz on USAToday.com. Not so good Al.

I scored 44 points out of a possible 100. Yikes! I even got the free question wrong. It asked something about reality TV shows and I picked Kevin Federline. I don’t know why. I thought it was a trick question and thus, a safe choice.

I also didn’t know who was the first person kicked off of American Idol. (I don’t care either.) Apparently I don’t know the surnames of a bunch of pop singers. I guess I need to read more US Weekly and In Touch to keep up to date on such important information.

So I don’t know pop culture. I’m a nerd. But I do know the pathogenesis of diastolic heart failure (due to concentric hypertrophy – the sarcomeres develop in parallel, not series) as well as how to clinically differentiate between bacterial (GABHS, S.pyogenes) and viral pharyngitis. I think in the long run, for me at least, those are more important than celebrity gossip.

Big Time Recruits Choose State

The Michigan State men’s basketball team received a solid verbal commitment from Orchard Lake St. Mary’s point guard, Kalin Lucas. Lucas is rated as one of the top point guards in the class of 2007 and is considered to be the best one guard in the talent rich state of Michigan.

This is a huge commit for the Spartans. With the addition of Lucas, Coach Tom Izzo will have three legitimate point guards next year in Drew Neitzel and Travis Walton. Lucas will add athleticism, superb ball handling skills and an ability to dribble-drive penetrate.

Lucas’s commitment may set in motion other highly touted recruits from the state of Michigan to sign with MSU. The five star blue chip Redford Covenant phenom, Durrell Summers, is considered an early Spartan lean and the versatile and sensationally athletic Darquavis Tucker out of Saginaw Arthur Hill may pull the trigger and give an early verbal commitment as well.

Lucas, Tucker and Summers (if they all commit to State) have the potential to be the best backcourt in the history of Michigan State basketball. That’s a bold statement considering MSU has featured such backcourts as Magic Johnson and Greg Kelser, Steve Smith and Mark Montgomery, Eric Snow and Shawn Respert, Mateen Cleaves and Morris Peterson, Charlie Bell and Jason Richardson and now Maurice Ager and Shannon Brown.

This trio would solidify the Spartans as a national championship contender for many years.

In football news, the Spartans picked up another linebacker commitment, Josh Rouse. Rouse attended Newton Valley Forge military academy, where he played both quarterback and outside linebacker.

The 6’3’’, 210-pound Rouse has an amazing upside. He has excellent speed and can cover sideline to sideline.

MSU is starting to build a lot of depth at linebacker. Last year John L. and crew signed Andrew Hawken, Brandon Long and JUCO standout Stephen Juarez. This year, state has added Eric Gordon, Colin Neely, Jesse Cole and now Rouse.

MSU already had some solid linebackers, such as David Herron and Kaleb Thornhill. These new players add immediate depth and skill and a change in defensive schemes should be considered.

The Spartans under John L. Smith run a 4-2-5-shell defense with a “bandit.” I have said from the beginning that this defense cannot be successful in the Big Ten because the second level (the linebackers) is too porous. MSU has a major issue with lack of depth on the defensive line and allowing only two linebackers with the safety/linebacker “bandit” position to compensate for a poor defensive line puts State at a huge disadvantage because they give up too much size. Therefore, teams can nickel and dime them with the running game…which sets up the play action pass…which can lead to State changing coverages to avoid deep plays…which leads to a more successful running game.

John L. Smith should consider moving away from the 4-2-5-shell to a 3-4 defense. With the speed Rouse presents and current “bandit” SirDarean Adam’s ability to cover the field, MSU could really slow their opponents rushing attacks.

It has been a good day for Michigan State athletics. The basketball team received a huge verbal commit in Kalin Lucas and the football team has added Josh Rouse, a versatile linebacker with an enormous upside.

Cheaters Beat Whiners in Alamo Bowl

Oh no! Here come the excuses.

Poor officiating. Poor use of instant replay. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Everyone has heard it from University of Michigan fans. They never lose; they always get screwed over.

Tonight though, the Wolverine fans have a legitimate beef as the University of Michigan lost to the Nebraska Cornhuskers 32-28 in the MasterCard Alamo Bowl.

There were several referee miscues. There was pass interference on fourth down late in the fourth quarter. The clock should have been started earlier when the ball was set after Nebraska failed to get a first down. There could have been offsetting penalties at the end of the game for too many men on the field. And that was all in the fourth quarter!

It was a poorly officiated game. But it was not, as Mike Tirico stated, the worst officiated game ever.

Let’s not forget, good teams find a way to win. The Wolverines gave up fifteen points in the final quarter, including a two-point conversion. The Cornhuskers scored their go-ahead touchdown on third down and six. So U of M had their chances to win this game and didn’t do it.

This was not a typical U of M team. Look at their wins. An OT field goal over a poor Michigan State team, a last second miracle win over Penn State, an OT win at Iowa and a tough game against Northern Illinois to start the season. The Wolverines showed grit in those games, but they could have easily been losses. The bowl game was a game in which they blew a lead late in the fourth quarter, like they did at Wisconsin, at home against Minnesota and at the Ohio State University.

I’m not a U of M fan and I never will be, but I also know when officiating is poor. This was a poorly officiated game. But Mike Tirico was wrong to make that an issue. U of M blew another fourth quarter lead and now has to live with an underachieving 7-5 record.

Fuzzy Happy Memories

Happy fun time turned into happy fuzzy memories last night.

The night began at El Az. Then over to Paul Revere’s. After that, the Riv. Then Bdubs. Oh Lord, make it stop.

Things got blurry around the end of the Riv experience. I do remember getting in a bitchin’ M & M fight with Jon at Emily’s apartment. (We cleaned up the mess.) Jon, Chris and I tried to out obnoxious two girls at Pancheros. We won. I remember other things too, those are just the funny things I remember.

I had to apologize to Jeni. I was mean. Sorry Jeni.

Quote of day one from happy fun time:

Emily - What are these marks on the wall?

Jon - Oh, that’s just shoe. It’ll wash out.

(We threw shoes at Emily.)

Stay tuned for more exciting installments of Happy Fun Time.

Today Begins Happy Fun Time

What is Happy Fun Time?

It is a new Holiday. Kinda like Valentine’s Day or Christmas.

It begins today in the EL with the return of Jon Cooley, J C O O L E Y, and will culminate in a grand celebration of the New Year.

Almost everyone is invited. Future events will be disclosed as they are planned, so stay tuned.

Come to the EL and have a good time. It’s Happy Fun Time!

Be there or be an obtuse scalene triangle.

Fröhliches Weihnachten

That says Merry Christmas auf Deutsch.

The media doesn’t stop just because it is Christmas Eve!

Way too go Joey! You led the Lions to their first win in a long, long time. Fairly impressive numbers and you made plays when you really needed.

This is the third or fourth time I have copied a blog idea from Jon. Sorry for the unoriginality and repetition.

Jon, everyone in Michigan misses you too. Next week is going to be a happy fun time for sure. Merry Christmas!

To everyone else:

Happy Holidays!

Merry Christmas!

Happy Birthday Jesus!

Merry Easter and to all a good night.

I Just Saved the Universe

“Congratulations! You’ve just defeated the vile red valcons and saved the universe. Consider yourself a hero.”

That’s right. I’m a hero. I just beat Contra. So what it took over 30 lives and my continue. I still saved the universe. You all can thank me later.

I love the spread gun. Flare sucks. Machine gun rules. Rapid fire is all right.

Everyone go back to your normal routines. The world is safe…for now…

In other news Barry Sanders rushed fifteen times for 342 yards seven touchdowns against Vinny Testeverde and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Rodney Peete completed three of four passes and had one touchdown during the 56-14 rout.

Hooray for Nintendo!

Kid: Mortal Kombat for the SEGA Genesis is the best game ever.
Billy: I disagree, although Mortal Kombat is a good game. My favorite game is Donkey Kong.
Kid: Donkey Kong sucks.
Billy: You know something? YOU SUCK.

Random Thoughts for the Winter Solstice

I love the Winter Solstice. I don’t know why. I’m not a fan of dark gray days in winter, but for some reason I really like this day. Maybe because it is so unique; that is for it to be dark almost fourteen hours in one day. Or maybe it’s because I can lay in bed until 9.30 and think it can’t be that late because it is still too dark. I guess I just like being lazy.

I saw a great bumper sticker yesterday. It said, “Use your blinker, not telepathy.” Awesome. It was right next to a Kerry/Edwards sticker. Even more awesome.

What’s the deal with TBS showing Saved By the Bell Episodes in which Zach and the gang get in fights. At 7.30 it was Zach and Slater fighting over the new girl. At 8.00 it was Zach and Screech fighting over Lisa. Come on! This is the Christmas/Holiday season! Show the episode where Zach and his family take in a homeless family for the holidays.

The Michigan State men’s basketball team plays tonight at Wisconsin-Green Bay. This is a huge “trap game” for the Spartans. The Phoenix will make this their season, so MSU better be ready. But I like State in a blow-out, 87-63.

Jeni got me an original Nintendo Entertainment System for Christmas. She wanted me to open it early (probably because she really wanted to play Tetris), so I did. It’s awesome. I got my arse kicked in Contra (up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, b, a, b, a, start) and then in Tecmo Super Bowl. I lost some customers in Paper Boy and didn’t get past level four in Mario Brothers. I’m not very good at Nintendo.

I was going to write a blog in response to President Bush’s speech on Sunday night. I don’t watch him speak because it hurts my head, so I usually read the transcript in the New York Times the next day. It was nice to hear him say he made some mistakes, but he still said, more or less, either you support me or you support the terrorists. He should never have had to give this speech and despite being remorseful at times for his grave mistakes, it still was a cheap promotion of his crazy war mongering.

Congrats Chris on finishing your last final yesterday. Gremlins 2 does rule.

I’m glad you and Rachelle had fun in the VA Jon. Winter meetings will proceed as planned when you come to Michigan.

Lions Lose; Garcia and Bly Still Stink

Oh my, oh my.

It’s Monday and on Saturday I knew I’d be able to write about a Lions loss. I just didn’t know if I would be able to continue my bashing of Pro-Bowl douche-bags Jeff Garcia and Dre Bly. But those two whiney f**kers made it too easy this time.

Garcia didn’t talk to reporters after the loss to the Bengals. As the Detroit News reported he did a “quarterback sneak” out of the locker room and dodged any questions from the media.

This is EXACTLY what a leader does! Remember when he and his wife were vying for his job on Detroit Sports Talk 1270 AM? He said sometimes the QB has to get in players faces and make them accountable for their actions. And there is no better way to do that than to avoid questions from the Detroit media because of a pathetic performance in a third straight start.

He didn’t grant an interview to the Detroit reporters, but since I was given a USA Today winter coat and now I have a blog, he granted an interview with the newest member of the media elite, me.

AZ: Why did you walk out like that after the game?
JG: That wasn’t me. It was Joey.
AZ: Really?
JG: Yeah, I mean sometimes you got to get in peoples faces. I did that. I was six of seven for 77 yards and a TD. What was Harrington?
AZ: Actually those were his stats.
(Awkward silence.)
AZ: You really are a dumb ass aren’t you?
JG: Are you related to Harrington?
AZ: No. Why do you ask?
(Garcia just stood up and left the room. His girlfriend entered.)
AZ: You were a playmate right?
CD: Yeah. But you know my boyfriend is my BFF and a great football player.
AZ: No he’s not. He’s a jerk too.
CD: But he’s been vilianized by the media.
AZ: I am the media. See my coat.
CD: That’s pretty nice.
AZ: I know.
(Awkward silence.)
AZ: So I just cleaned my apartment. It’s pretty sweet. I haven’t thrown an interception in College Football 2005. That’s three less than your loser boyfriend threw yesterday.
CD: I really like that coat.
AZ: Yeah. It’s almost as awesome as me. People in the media wear these. It shows how cool we are.
(Awkward silence.)
AZ: I bet I could beat you in playstation. I bet I could beat your boyfriend too.
CD: Probably. Do you want to play? That is an awesome coat.
AZ: Well I’m awesome. Let’s play now.
(We both leave and ride off in the media-mobile: a 2003 Saturn Ion. Jeff Garcia was pouting in the corner).

As for douche-bag number two: Dre Bly. Hey Dre, do everyone in Detroit a favor and go f**k yourself you prick.

Bly, in response to questions about his feelings about fans rooting for the Bengals, stated, “We're not going (leaving for) anywhere unless they sell the team, and they're not gonna sell the team, so we're not going anywhere."

"I understand their frustrations -- I'm frustrated,” he continued, “but to stoop that low, wearing orange. We need the 12th man (the crowd) and we need their support."

Wow. Was it as low as going on national television and calling out Harrington? Was it as low as calling him out in the locker room but not mentioning his name or saying anything to him in person?

Bly still got his shots in toward Harrington. He stated, "A guy behind center who can control the game the way he (Palmer) did today can win a lot of football games."

You know a cornerback that can shut down receivers can help win games too. Chad Johnson had eleven receptions for 99 yards and one touchdown. Good job Dre. That’s how you shut people down.

Guess what you can also win a lot of games if you support your teammates you moron.

As part of the media though, I had to do a brief interview with Bly.

AZ: This has to be quick. I’m gonna play playstation soon.
DB: Did you see my interception? I would have taken it in for six, but Harrington tackled me.
AZ: No he didn’t. You’re just a douche-bag.
DB: Man, whatever.
AZ: Yeah. Whatever.
(Awkward silence.)
AZ: You know you’re an awful football player and a pretty classless man.
DB: You look like a piece of s**t in that coat.
AZ: Dude, I’m part of the media. We wear these coats in the biz, beeotch.
(CD punches Bly in the nose. He falls down and starts crying.)
AZ: How you like me now punk?! (To CD) To the media-mobile!

As usual, Harrington was the only Lion with class yesterday. He said he understood how hard it must be for Garcia to get benched in the middle of a game.

Stop being nice Joey. Take Garcia’s advice; sometimes you have to be the jerk and make people accountable. Garcia is a crybaby. Bly is an ass. Jauron is a moron (that rhymes). And Millen is the worst GM in the history of GMs. Make these losers accountable.

Congratulations Round Two

Last week Emily and Brooke wore the cap and gown. They graduated with bachelor degrees in journalism and Kinesiology.

This weekend, Jacob Longton and Matt Quinn graduate with Master of Science degrees in Structural Engineering and Chemistry.

Jacob, who is being recruited by a Structural Engineering firm in Philadelphia and Detroit, will receive his degree from the University of Michigan. He began his undergraduate endeavors at Central Michigan, then transferred to U of M and stayed there throughout graduate school.

Matt was a Chippewa all the way through, from undergrad to graduate school. He recently presented his oral defense of his master's thesis in Inorganic Chemistry and then was offered and accepted a job in chemical engineering in Boulder, Colorado.

Last week I wrote about two of my favorite Brooke and Emily stories. There are too many great stories of Matt and Jacob to pick a few to share. My favorite times with them were practicing in Chris's basement and hanging-out afterwards.

Jacob and Matt are the first of our close group of friends to receive advanced degrees from prestigious universities. Now they have to enter the real world (not MTV's real world) and be responsible adults. (Glad I'm not there yet.)

Congratulations Matt and Jacob!

What in the World?!

Wow! Meteorologists have been right two times in a row!

Last week they said it would snow six to eight inches in Metro Detroit…and it did. Then yesterday they stated Metro Detroit would get an inch of snow Wednesday night and then six to eight inches during the day on Thursday. Again they appear to be right.

Last year, DJ and I went out for a couple of drinks (which turned into many more) on a night shortly before Christmas and it snowed just like the Chuck Gadica said it would. (We preserved with alcohol and Taco Bell.)

Meteorologists have consistently been inconsistent in their weather predictions over the years. But maybe their technologies have become more advanced and Doppler 9000 (or whatever it’s called) really is more accurate.

So kudos for doing your job meteorologists. I’m happy with your progress and newfound accuracy and consistency.

As for the roads: Metro Detroit is a mess. Be careful if you are down this way and if not I’m sure it is bad wherever you are, so be careful.

It looks like it is gonna be a white Christmas…er, I mean white holiday.

Palmer v. Harrington

Today the Detroit Free Press ran an article comparing Joey Harrington and Carson Palmer.

Both NFL quarterbacks are from the west coast, a pass oriented league (the Pac 10), Heisman finalists (Harrington in 2001 and Palmer in 2002 when he won it), and drafted early in the first round in their respective drafts.

So the Free Press asked, why is it Carson Palmer will be in the pro- bowl this year and Joey will have to watch Jeff Garcia f**k up another game?

Well first because Jeff Garcia plays for Detroit, so it would be impossible for Palmer to be sidelined by this douche-bag.

But more importantly, Palmer described the differences very simply, “[Harrington’s] situation sucks.”

How insightful. Palmer continued, “I came to a good team, a good O-line, a solid tailback, good receivers.”

Yeah, Harrington did not have that luxury. As a matter of fact he had the exact opposite. His first coach, Marty Morningweg, was not ready to be an NFL coach, his offensive line was deplorable at best, his first tailback was James Stewart and his receivers were Bill Schroeder and Az-Zahir Hakim. No one can succeed with those players, especially a rookie or second year QB.

Then when you add in the poor management of Matt Millen and Steve Mariucci’s awful game planning it further hinders one’s ability to succeed.

Joey Harrington will never be a good quarterback in Detroit. He needs to move elsewhere. But, he will be a pro-bowl quarterback with another team and leave Lions fans wondering why he couldn’t do that here.

Well Palmer answered that for you. The Detroit Lions situation sucks.

The Simpsons: Still the Best

“It’s called a hangover sweetie, and it’s an unavoidable part of life,” Homer Simpson explained to little Lisa Simpson.

The Simpsons, in its sixteenth year on Fox, still has great writing. In Sunday’s episode an old villain made an appearance: Sideshow Bob. The episode consisted of the Simpsons visiting Italy to return a Lamborgoti sports car to Mr. Burns, encountering Bob in a small village, Lisa getting drunk and insulting Bob’s family and then escaping Bob and his family’s attempts to murder them.

The episode also consisted of jokes directed toward The Family Guy and American Dad. Peter Griffin was referred to as an imitation of Homer and the dad in American Dad was referred to as an imitation of Peter Griffin.

Over the years the Simpsons have had too many great episodes to name a top five or top ten. So, the question is, what was the best season of the Simpsons?

I like season eight. This season consisted of such memorable episodes as, You Only Move Twice (in which Homer murders James Bond while working for Globex Corporation), Burns, Baby Burns (where Homer meets Mr. Burn’s lazy son), Bart After Dark (Springfield gets a burlesque house), The Mysterious Voyage of Homer, (Homer realizes Marge is his soul mate as he goes on a hallucinogenic trip), The Springfield Files, (Homer sees an alien and Scully and Mulder visit from the X-files), Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment (Homer bootlegs beer while the Beer-Baron tracks him down) and finally, Homer’s Enemy (Homer tries to befriend Frank “Grimey” Grimes, but fails and Grimey loses his life).

Seasons seven and nine are very good too. They have several classics such as, Two Bad Neighbors (season seven; Homer and former President Bush get in a fight) and Joy of Sect (season nine; Homer joins a mindless cult only to find he had beer all along).

What’s your favorite season?

Random Thoughts for 12/13/05

There are too many newsworthy events to talk about just one. So here is the latest installment of my Random Thoughts.

Stanley Tookie Williams was not granted a stay of execution by Governor Schwarzenegger, and will be executed at 3.01 on Tuesday morning. Schwarzenegger wrote in his decision to forego the execution, “…and there is no reason to disturb the judicial decisions that uphold the jury’s decisions that he is guilty of these four murders and should pay with his life.”

Damn Arnie! That’s pretty cruel. He should pay with his life?! This isn’t True Lies or Collateral. You can’t talk like that! When will the United State join the rest of the industrialized world and ban the death penalty? Tookie should not be freed, but the death sentence is cruel and unusual.

Yeah, I’m pro-choice and against the death penalty. What? That’s contradictory you might say. Well no more than the conservatives who want the death penalty, but also want to protect the sanctity of life…not Tookie’s life though.

On a much lighter note, Stan Van Gundy, or as he is known to the rest of the world, Ron Jeremy, resigned as the head coach of the Miami Heat. Apparently the Hedgehog wants to spend more time with his family. I’m sure it had nothing to do with Pat Riley stating he would have been a better coach than Van Gundy shortly after the Heat lost at home to the Pistons in game seven of the Eastern Conference Finals. The Heat are 11-9 this season. I’m just as sure Riley will do much better with a fat Antoine Walker, an out of control Jason Williams, an aging Shaq and Dwayne Wade’s turn-over prone game than Van Gundy did. Jeremy/Van Gundy will finally be able to concentrate on his first love: pornos.

My recent post about Happy Holidays raised some great discussions. I was given an article to read entitled, “Tolerate Everyone’s Religion” by Charley Reese. I agree a Christmas tree is a Christmas tree, not a Holiday Tree. (Reese didn’t bring this point up directly; it was somewhat of a subtext to it.) However, he states, “The United States of America's population is overwhelmingly Christian, at least nominally. If you don't like Christians, then you should emigrate to China or Saudi Arabia, where they are definitely a minority. Then you won't have to be bothered by the rest of us celebrating Christmas or Easter, though why it should bother anyone is a mystery.” Well, this is neither a tolerant statement nor a productive one. I will revert to the assertion by the reverend on CNN: Christians do not need to look to retailers for their spiritual inspiration. Moreover, weren’t Christians upset by the commercialization of Christmas; retailers were secularizing Christmas by making it all about gifts and not about the birth of Jesus. Perhaps I am a “secular crackpot or crank”, but in the long run I don’t think saying Happy Holidays will set society as far back as denying evolution and science.

I hope Jon and Rachelle are having fun in Virginia

Rumor has it Jacob is in the middle of a bidding battle between two structural engineering firms: one in Philadelphia and one in Detroit. I say the only way to decide is to have each firm build something out of Construx. Whichever one is better, Jacob should go there. Unless it is the firm from Philly.

The Pistons lost tonight. They are 15-3 on the year and 10-2 on the road. Not a bad start.

I’m an idiot. This was already known, but today I went home to help my dad move some stuff around in order to put up some Christmas decorations (not holiday decorations, these are for Christmas). Well as I left I grabbed my cell phone and my wallet. When I got up to Southgate and walked into my apartment I thought, “Why do I have two wallets?” Well, one wallet was my dad’s. So now I have to drive down to ole MHS to drop it off to him.

Thirteen Years, Lions Lose Again at Green Bay

Thirteen years. Thirteen years. (Read as Kayne West’s song Gold Digger.)

The Detroit Lions lost again in the state of Wisconsin to the Green Bay Packers 16-13 in OT. Detroit has not gone on the road and beaten the Packers since 1992.

Jeff Garcia was amazing. He yelled at his teammates, he threw passes behind and over the receivers and even better he was stopped on fourth and inches trying to score a touchdown on a QB sneak. Great job.

Dre Bly was awesome too. He didn’t make any glaring mistakes, which is exactly what you want out of a big time playmaker.

Two of the biggest douche-bags in pro football stated they would have won the game, but Joey Harrington screwed it up.

“I mean things would be different if Joey hadn’t wore a blue coat on the side-line,” Garcia explained. “I mean we spent all that money for black uniforms and he wore the traditional blue jacket. Did I mention I’m awesome? My wife will call and tell 1270 AM tomorrow if you didn’t know that.”

“You know, he got a good man fired,” Bly stated. “Then he still shows up and stands on the side-line. If he wasn’t there, wow, we would have won. I mean think about it, we called heads and then the coin landed and it was tails. That’s on Harrington.”

Detroit plays their home finale against Cincinnati (10-3) next week. The Bengals have won three straight, including a last second field goal against Cleveland in a 23-30 victory.

Garcia said, “We’ll come out and play hard next week. If I’m the quarterback you can expect me to do the things I need to do to put our team in a position to win. As long as Harrington doesn’t screw things up on the side-line we’ll be all right.”

Happy Holidays

Is there something so offensive with that statement?

Apparently there is. The religious right are fuming with rage that retailers and even the Christian leader, President Bush, are using the phrase Happy Holidays over Merry Christmas.

There have been suggested boycotts, on-line petitions and national campaigns to end the Happy Holidays phrase and replace it with the more tolerant phrase, Merry Christmas.

I actually commend President Bush for his acknowledgment of other religious holidays during this time of year. That’s right, I actually think he did something right. Although he has upset his fanatical base, President Bush has finally showed some of that compassionate conservatism he promoted during his presidential campaigns. Furthermore, as the leader of a country that is supposed to be open to religious freedom (one of the reasons this country was founded) it makes more sense to say Happy Holidays and not Merry Christmas.

The LA Times reported that Mathew D. Staver, Liberty Counsel President, had threatened to sue a Wisconsin elementary school because the choir concert did not fully recognize Christmas.

Staver stated, “People often think the safest route is to censor Christmas. But to be inclusive, you need to recognize all aspects of the holiday.”

So yeah, Happy Holidays doesn’t do that. Merry Christmas is encompassing to everyone.

Isn’t Christianity supposed to teach of love, peace and tolerance? Didn’t Jesus try to live by these same principles? So why are Christians so mad? If one is secure in their faith, they should be able to recognize and appreciate other individual’s beliefs, right?

This morning a Reverend on CNN answered those questions. He stated Christians should be tolerant of other religions and beliefs. Furthermore, he stated Christians do not receive their spiritual inspiration from department stores and retail outlets, and therefore should not be offended by such advertisements that state Happy Holidays.

So from everyone at Leave of Absence (me) I would like to wish everyone a Happy Holidays!

For all those crazy Christians this offends, here’s something to really get you riled up: Evolution is real!

Festivus: Airing of the Grievances

The Holiday season is here. It’s time for a break from work and to spend some time with family and friends.

One holiday that does not receive the same amount of attention as Christmas or Chanukah is Festivus. This could be because it was a made up holiday on Seinfeld. But, if one were to Google Festivus many links will appear dedicated to this holiday. So it’s out there. And it’s here now.

There won’t be any feats of strength on this blog. This will be solely the airing of the grievances. And as Frank Costanza stated, “The tradition of Festivus begins with the airing of grievances. I got a lot of problems with you people! And now you're gonna hear about it!”

Before I get to my grievances, here is some background about Festivus as Frank explained it to Cosmo Kramer.

FRANK: Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reach for the last one they had - but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way!
KRAMER: What happened to the doll?
FRANK: It was destroyed. But out of that, a new holiday was born. "A Festivus for the rest of us!"
FRANK: And at the Festivus dinner, you gather your family around, and you tell them all the ways they have disappointed you over the past year.
KRAMER: Is there a tree?
FRANK: No. Instead, there's a pole. It requires no decoration. I find tinsel distracting.

Although Festivus is not celebrated officially until December 23, I will give you a sneak peak of my grievances. Feel free to air yours!

1. The Lions – Everything about them makes me mad. From Matt Millen to Jeff Garcia to Dre Bly to Mike Williams to the Fords to Bobby Ross to Wayne Fontes….
2. John L. Smith – 1-6 to finish the 2005 season. 1-6! 1-6! The play calling (especially defense) was deplorable and stop smirking on the sideline. State lost because you didn’t coach well not because other players didn’t play well or the officials blew a call. You blew it.
3. The Bush Administration – They are evildoers across the board. Cheney is a liar. Rumsfeld is a liar. Bush is a liar. Rove and Libby leaked the name of a CIA official to the media. Jerks.
4. Republicans – Again evildoers for the most part. McCain you’re cool. Arlen Spector ain’t all that bad. But Rick Santorum, Bill Frist, Trent Lott, Orrin Hatch, Tom DeLay, Jeb Bush….Delay you’re a liar. Frist, you’re a doctor and don’t even understand the transmission of HIV. Lott you don’t like African Americans. Hatch you’re just crazy. Santorum, I think you might be in the closet. Come out and the world may be a better place!
5. Democrats – You all are weak babies. You don’t call out the liars and when you do, you do it through Howard Dean and he’s legally insane. Get some testicles please!
6. TBS – You play way too much Friends, Sex and the City and Everybody Loves Raymond. Well guess what, I don’t love Raymond. I guess he’s all right, but I don’t love him. I would shoot myself if I had friends like Ross or Joey or Chandler. And all the girls on Sex and the City are ugly; henceforth it is unlikely they’d be having that much sex. Also, the show is supposed to be liberating for women, but if falls into all the stereotypes about women, shoes, sex and finding Prince Charming.
7. SNL and Tina Fey – Boo! Boo! You fired Jeff Richards, your best cast member, and this year you’re stealing his skits. Boo! Boo! You’re not funny right now Mrs. Fey. You can be, but you aren’t right now.
8. Downriver Communities (namely Southgate) – You don’t ice your sidewalks or shovel them. I almost fell when I was running. Stop being lazy please.
9. Gas Prices – You are making record profits and I am losing money. Screw you big oil. I’m gonna start making my gas out of corn and methanol. Jerks.
10. Financial Aid – I like you, but you haven’t kept up with inflation and gas prices. I work hard…sort of…well I used to…actually I still do. I would like more money so I don’t starve.
11. Attendings that don’t let me do my full presentation – You know who you are. I spent a lot of time making that presentation and you lectured too long and cut into my time. I don’t care if you told me it was above resident’s work and I should be included in the noon lecture series, you cut me short and then treated me like shit. Not cool.

That’s about all I can think of right now. There is more, I’m sure, but this is comprehensive enough.

Happy Festivus!

Corrections

I have made some mistakes in the last two posts.

First: I was the 1000th visitor to Jon's blog. Not 100th. Sorry.

Second: MSU scored 51 points in the second half of their game against BC last night. Not 41. Sorry.

I'm sure this caused mass confusion amongst the billions and billions of people who read this blog everyday. Sorry.

Spartans Win at Jimmy V Classic

Despite being out-shot at the free-throw line, Michigan State held off sixth ranked Boston College 77-70. BC was 18/27 from the stripe while MSU was 15/18.

Paul Davis was 6/6 from the free throw line, but more importantly shut down Craig Smith in the second half, as MSU dominated the pace of the game after halftime scoring 41 points. Maurice Ager limited his mistakes from previous games and added 22 points for State, most of those points coming after the break.

Although MSU had several miscues in the final three minutes, the officiating was poor. Several fouls were called on the Spartans that were not called on the Eagles at the other end of the court.

MSU played well. Coach Tom Izzo must have read my blog after the disappointing win over Little Rock Arkansas. MSU was physical, played well against the 2-3 zone, rebounded and got production from the power forward position with Marquise Gray.

Watch out for Wichita State though. They are a solid team from an under-rated Missouri Valley Conference. Northern Iowa, from the MVC, beat number thirteen Iowa tonight. MSU better be ready to play or they will be in for a long game.

Who's the Big Winner? Me, That's Who!

Hooray for me!

I was Jon Cooley’s 100th visitor to his blog. I won the prize. I am a frequent visitor of Jon’s blog, My Life After Paint Chips (www.mylifeafterpaintchips.blogspot.com), as well as the blog pioneer DJ (www.greatestnovel.blogspot.com). I never won a prize on DJ’s blog though…tear.

Last night I had some wicked heartburn. I have never really had heartburn, but last night I did and I couldn’t sleep. So f**k you Tums. I don’t need your antacid help. I win prizes without you.

I’m not sure what my prize is but I’m sure it’s awesome. I’m excited to see Jon in late December and I think at that time I’ll receive this prestigious gift.

Hooray for Jon! Hooray for DJ! Hooray for prizes! Hooray for school! Hooray for me!

Rollin' Out the Red Carpet for Minus Grover

Does anyone know the significance of today?

It is the eight-year anniversary of Minus Grover, the band featuring Jacob Longton, Matthew Quinn, Christopher Merritt and Andrew Zillgitt. Although the band has been officially broken up for some two or three years, I still celebrate December 5 as if it were my birthday.

DJ Freese threw out the idea for the name Minus Grover because the lead singer from Coadstool was Michael “Grover” Groves. There was some discussion among the remaining Coadstool members if the name should be The Minus Grover or simply Minus Grover. It was decided the name should be Minus Grover and on December 5, 1997 the band played their first show at Monroe High School.

The gig was actually a dance titled “Christmas at the Equator” sponsored by the MHS National Honor Society. Although Minus Grover’s set list included a couple of originals (songs written while they were still Coadstool - Yellow Railroad Sign featuring Jon Cooley), it was heavy in covers.

The set list included an innovative meshing of Song 2 by Blur and From Us to You by the Beatles. The gang decided to call it From Us to Song 2. The set list included other covers such as, When Shirts Get Tight by Fig Dish, North Dakota by Thrush Hermit, Sink to the Bottom by Fountains of Wayne and Everything You’ve Done Wrong by Sloan, featuring a bitching trumpet solo by Jon Cooley. Minus Grover closed with a pre-approved encore by Mr. Straub: Say it Ain’t So by Weezer.

Minus Grover progressed rapidly from a cover band to a song writing force, writing four songs in the span of a month in December of ’97 to January of ’98. These songs included The Way You Are, Let it Go, Over Soon and You Make it Hard on Yourself (Minus Grover’s first completed song). As the band matured, so did their song writing. Jacob’s catchy and melodic riff in Rollin’ Out paved the way for more blues-rock oriented songs like, Engage/Disengage, That’s Why and Keep Climbing.

In the end the pressure of school and distance caused this talented rock n roll band to go their separate ways, but remain close friends.

Playing and writing music with Matt, Jacob and Chris as well as all hanging-out with all of our friends who came to watch us practice was the best time of my life. Thank you.

Perhaps someday Minus Grover will do a one-show reunion tour to celebrate this day.

Random Thoughts for 12/04/05

Joey Harrington is better than Jeff Garcia. He could have easily put up the same numbers as Garcia did today. Garcia was 17/35 (49%) for 126 yards and an interception, which was the final offensive play for the Lions today. If he had placed the ball better, Roy Williams may have been able to score a touchdown and the Lions could have won. At halftime he was 8/17 for 22 yards. The Lions had 33 yards of offense at half time. 33 yards! 33 yards! Harrington could have gotten at least 34 yards.

How’d your boy do today Dre Bly? Are you sure it’s all Harrington’s fault you moron. How’d your secondary do? What? 80 yard TD pass on the Vikings first play from scrimmage. Yeah, sweet. Was that Harrington’s fault to you f**king douche-bag.

I hate the Lions. (See above two random thoughts.)

Sometimes my random thoughts are actually not too random and frustrate me. (See above three random thoughts.)

Jon don’t be mad at me about supporting Harrington. (This thought is connected to all the other ones, making these thoughts less and less random.)

Stop Snowing.

Ned’s In Town is the best sound check band I have ever heard. I’ll finish this story in a later blog, just like Ned’s In Town finished their songs during their sound check.

It’s nice to see DJ have a new blog. He’s good at writing. DJ should do more.

Why does an 8-4 Florida State get an automatic bid to a BCS bowl game, while Oregon, The OSU and Notre Dame have to fight over two at large bids? Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Notre Dame doesn’t deserve to go over Oregon or The OSU, but certainly is more deserving than FSU. Bobby Bowden is the devil…or close to it.

The big blue beast of a bridge on I-94 in Taylor, Mi that overpasses Telegraph Rd. is obtuse.

New Year’s Eve in M-town? Why not.

Spartans Struggle in Early Season

Oh Spartan fans. We were fooled. We all bought into it. Four returning starters from last years final four team, Maurice Ager and Shannon Brown as the “two best wings since Kentucky Fried Chicken”, Paul Davis as a vocal leader and the emergence of Marquise Gray as a strong power forward.

On paper it looks good. But as we all know, games aren’t played on paper; they are played inside TV sets.

I have been accused (mostly by Emily) of being way too negative about Spartan basketball. Perhaps at times she’s right, but let me explain why the Spartans will be lucky to win the Big 10 Championship this season.

Reason Number 1: No defense. What? A Tom Izzo team that doesn’t play defense? Yes it’s true. Ager is a poor defender. Power forwards Drew Naymick and Goran Suton are weak in the post. Drew Neitzel is a solid defender but lacks some lateral quickness and Delco Rowley is too slow (both mentally and physically). Brown is the only good defender on this team.

Reason Number 2: No rebounding. What? An Izzo team that doesn’t rebound? Yes it’s true. Davis is solid on the block and boxing out. However, the wings, unlike wings in the past, i.e. Charlie Bell, Kelvin Torbert and Morris Peterson, are pathetic rebounders. Ager is constantly out of position. Brown lacks some height, but that didn’t hinder Bell. Brown can be solid, but is certainly not consistent. Naymick is too weak and poor at boxing out. Suton has shown a knack for finding offensive boards, but defensively he is less than effective.

Reason Number 3: No movement on offense. Ager stands at the wing too much. Brown moves around, but does not have great separation coming off of screens. The post players, especially Naymick, are too stationary. The exception to stationary post-players is Davis. He roles out for the pick and roll. He can post up against anyone and is active in passing out of the post. Neitzel dribbles too much and floats around the top of the key. There is no dribble-drive penetration, no separation off of screens and hardly any movement on the block.

Reason Number 4: Turnovers. Ager travels at least two to three times a game. Naymick can’t handle the ball and often loses control either dribbling or with poor passes. Gray shuffles his feet while on the block. This may improve with time, but right now it hurts the Spartans. Finally, Ager (and sometimes Brown) makes poor decisions while running the fast break. Neither player is a great ball handler and often over-dribbles or makes a poor pass.

Reason Number 5: Other teams in the Big Ten are better. Indiana is playing very well. Iowa has been very impressive, especially in their wins over NC Sate and Kentucky and even in their loss to Texas they were dominating at times. Illinois is surpassing pre-season expectations and has a quality victory at North Carolina. As much as it pains me to say this, U of M is playing better than State right now. U of M plays tenacious defense, especially with pressuring the ball, and their starters are all averaging double figures in points per game. U of M will be the surprise team this year in the Big 10. The Ohio State University is improving. Finally, Wisconsin is always strong. MSU will be hard pressed to win against these teams on the road and may even have trouble at the Bres because this Izzone is not what it used to be.

Here’s how the Spartans can be beat:
1. Play a zone. MSU is not great at ball reversal and they stand around on offense. Moreover, their perimeter shooting is inconsistent.
2. Ball pressure. Neitzel dribbles way too much and if a team can pressure him at half-court they can really disrupt the Spartans offense. Brown and Ager are not outstanding ball-handlers and Naymick has trouble anytime the ball is near him.
3. Get Davis in foul trouble early. The rest of MSU’s post players cannot compensate for this one player. If the Spartans don’t have a post-presence, number one and two become that much easier.
4. Ball control on offense. By doing this, it limits the Spartan’s fast break ability and takes them out of rhythm.
5. Perimeter shooting. Izzo teams have been notoriously poor at his over the past two or three years. Smaller teams will have to rely on this and if number four is done, there is nothing more devastating than a three-pointer with only two or three seconds left on the shot clock.

The Spartans always improve throughout the season and play their best basketball in March and April. However, this team is not as strong or deep as previous MSU teams and it has a long way to go if they want to make it to the Final Four and compete for a National Championship. Can they do it? Yes. Will they do it? Not playing the way they have thus far this season.

Good-bye, So Long, See You Sometime

Good-bye Matthew Kyle Quinn.

You are leaving Michigan after graduating with a Master’s Degree (what you think you’re my master?!) in Chemistry from Central Michigan University.

You are the second close friend to leave this state. Jon Cooley left in May to work and live in Dallas, Texas as an auditor/accountant.

Rumor has it; actually it is known that Jacob Longton will be in Philadelphia this weekend for a job interview at a Structural Engineering Firm. He will graduate from the University of Michigan on December 17, 2005 with a Master’s Degree in Structural Engineering. If he accepts this job, the Monroe High School Class of 1998 will have another success story.

There was once a time when the jury was out on our little gang of friends. We did a lot of silly things from railroad track mishaps to tee-peeing houses with 500 some odd roles to works-bombs. However, we made it through our adolescent indiscretions and as far as I’m concerned we are the most successful high school class in the history of the United States…it’s true.

Think about it. Chris Merritt is in law school. David Carducci has been in barbershop quartets that have finished in the top five nationally and currently records rock n roll tunes in Ohio. DJ Freese graduated from Central Michigan and is the manager of Waldenbooks. Ryan Morgan graduated from the University of Michigan and is currently teaching at Monroe High School. Brian Kohler works at La-Z-Boy furniture in Monroe, Mi and has started to coach swimming. Jon, Matt and Jacob are being offered jobs around the country. I could go on and on, but congratulations to all of you and to anyone I may have omitted.

Matt, you will be missed very much. I still haven’t visited Jon since he’s moved, but I plan to as soon as I get some money. Then I’m out to Bolder to see you. Congratulations. I’ve known you longer than I’ve known any of my other friends and I’m proud and excited for you. Good luck.