Nerd Alert!

As I got done shaving today and looked in the mirror and I saw I still have acne. I’m 25 years old. Then I thought about all my other physical imperfections and my personality traits and I realized I’m a nerd.

The terms nerd, geek and dork are three terms commonly thrown around as if they are synonyms. They aren’t.

A nerd, despite what some might say, is not a Never Ending Radical Dude or hair on an elephants butt. Nope, a nerd is a person who has distinctly different personality traits coupled with certain physical attributes.

A geek is similar to a nerd, but just more socially awkward.

Finally, a dork lacks social abilities altogether. He/she has a much more severe case of geekness.

It would be interesting to know if these three terms are a continuum or if they are three distinct personalities. For instance, could a nerd progress to a geek or dork. Interesting. I don’t know?

So I’ve developed a screening test to determine if one is a nerd, at high risk for being a nerd or at low risk. If others have told you that you are socially inept and you score in the nerd range, then you may be a geek or a dork.

Here’s the NSA (Nerd Screening Assessment):
Physical Scale
1. You are over 23 years old and still have medical problems commonly seen in adolescence, i.e. acne. (This excludes life-long chronic disease that are diagnosed in children, i.e. epilepsy, heart murmurs, etc.).
2. You wear glasses. (You do not get a point if you use contacts at any time. So if you wear glasses only at night while you are in your house, this does not count).
3. You have some form of orthodontics in your mouth, i.e. a retainer.
4. You began puberty later than the rest of your peers. (Sure this is out of your control, but it seems to correlate well with nerds, geeks and dorks. It could be what caused the social inadequacies, so this may be a chicken or the egg argument. Regardless it made the screen).
5. If you are a male and you have been beaten-up by a female (at any point in your life. However, if you have been beat-up because the female was defending herself, this does not count. If the latter event has happened, you need to take the ass-hole screening test).

Personality Scale
1. You were 20 years or older the first time you had sex. (This means you made it through two full years of college without intercourse).
2. You wake up early to watch Saved By the Bell, or you own all five seasons (yes even the awful episodes with Tori).
3. You skip out on parties or gatherings because you prefer to be alone. (This can be done 5-8 times within a calendar year. You only receive a point if you have done it more than eight times in one year).
4. You are out of college or are over the age of 25 and you have cardboard cutouts of cartoon characters or characters from movies in your living room, i.e. Homer Simpson or Chewbacca).
5. You dislike all sports or athletic events. (This includes any sport that could potentially be on ESPN, minus poker).

Each yes to one of the statements counts for one point. A female can only receive a maximum of nine points because number five on the physical scale only applies to male.
If you had 8-10 points – you most likely are a nerd.
If you had 5-7 points – you are at high risk for being a nerd.
If you had below five points – you are at low risk for being considered a nerd.

I scored perfect on the physical attributes and very high on the personality characteristics scales. I have a total of nine points, which does put me into the nerd category. I’m just thankful my friends don’t mind being around a nerd…or do they?

Are you a nerd? Take the screen and find out.

Home Sweet Home

I have now officially renewed my apartment for one more year. This will be the first time I have lived in the same place for more than one year since 1995-1996 to 1996-1997.

In the summer of ’97 my family moved from 659 Hollywood to 630 Hollywood; across the street and three houses down. Little did I know that this would be the beginning of an eight year span in which I moved to a new place in close proximity to the old one.

In 1998 I moved off to 502 East Wilson at Michigan State University. Then the following year I moved down the hall to 507 East Wilson.

In 2000 I moved off campus with Dave, Chris and Todd…eventually Rob Sands moved there too. 621 Charles St. was a fine house, although too small for our youthful ambitions (which basically were larger, more exciting parties).

So my friends and I packed up and moved down the street to the larger 523 Charles St. house. I destroyed my car with the moving van. Stupid. 523 offered great memories, especially the party were DJ and Chris did their rendition of “Sensory Deprivation,” and the great camera work by Jon.

I moved out of 523 because I didn’t want to live in the basement anymore and I didn’t want Jon or Shawn to have to live down there. TJ should have gotten the basement, but oh well. Regardless, 2002-2003 was spent at 231 Louis St. Apt. #1. This place was too small and I was actually happy to leave it.

The next two years I lived in Berrytree Apartments. The first year, 2003-2004, I spent in the haunted, mouse filled apartment D8. Then the next year Jeni moved in with Danielle and me to D205; two flights up and down the hall. That was a fun and interesting year.

Finally, my time in classes at Michigan State was done. I had to move to a new place closer to my base hospital, Henry Ford Wyandotte. I’m currently living at Village Green of Southgate and I will be here through July of 2007.

Sure, I have been able to return to my home in Monroe and that’s been great. But I’ve also done a significant amount of moving over the last eight years. I think that is common for people in their early to mid-twenties to move frequently. I’m just glad I won’t have to pack and move in a couple of months. Hopefully, in this next year there can be some parties and good ole crazy times.

It's the Same, but Different

On my lunch break I like to read the New York Times online (but not the editorials because of the stupid Times Select non-sense) and USA Today. While reading these two newspapers I found two interesting articles.

On nytimes.com there was a headline, “FTC Finds No Gas Price Gouging After Katrina.”

USAToday.com had the opposite headline, “Post-Katrina gas gouging discovered: FTC finds 15 cases.”

Both articles were by the AP and the leads were identical: “The Federal Trade Commission on Monday said it found 15 examples of gasoline price gouging after Hurricane Katrina, though the agency said it has not identified any widespread effort by the oil industry to illegally manipulate the marketplace.”

Why is there a discrepancy between the two headlines? If I was just skimming through these I would be confused. Can someone with some journalism background explain how two different papers can have the same AP article, but give each a different headline that is the opposite of the other? Seems nutsy to me.

Anyhoo, apparently the oil industries did not manipulate the marketplace. That’s nice of them.

Baghdad ER

As an opponent of the Iraqi war and a medical student I was immediately interested in the HBO Documentary, Baghdad ER. However, this is not a documentary for opponents of the war and individuals in the medical field, everyone must see it.

The final scene was of a marine who had been shot in the chest during combat. The EMTs and the vascular surgeon were able to stabilize and repair the patient’s pulmonary artery, but in the end he succumbed to his injuries and died.

I could write more about how powerful Baghdad ER was and how courageous the soldiers and medical workers were, but it does not do this film the credit it deserves.

Jon Alpert and Matthew O’Neill directed this amazing documentary and for the schedule of its airings go to www.hbo.com.

As of the airing of this film 17,381 soldiers have been injured and 2,346 have died since the military operations in Iraq began in March of 2003.

Jack and Sawyer = Zach and Slater?

For those of you who watch Lost and are Saved by the Bell aficionados, it is hard not to notice the similarities between the two shows.

What? Let me explain.

Sawyer, in the last episode before the season finale told Jack that he was essentially his only friend since the Mexican hottie he had just dorked was murder by crazy Michael. (Have you are have you not been dorked?)

How cute. Does this sound familiar though; two rivals befriending each other and realizing they are more alike than different?

Think about it. Zach and Slater didn’t get along at first, but eventually roomed together at Cal U. At first AC’s muscular body, tank tops and athletic ability intimidated Zachy. Slater certainly had never run into anyone as savvy and good-looking as Zach in the previous schools he had attended.

Their tumultuous relationship was accented by a battle over the sex-bomb Kelly Kapowski. Zach tried to have Slater leave Bayside by spreading a rumor that Slater was dying and could only be saved if he moved to Hawaii, he killed AC’s lizard, Arnie, and used subliminal messages to have Kelly take him to the dance over Slater.

Slater wasn’t any better. He ruined a study date with Zach and the new girl Joanna, he always tried to thwart Kelly and Zach’s teenage love and he cock-blocked Zach from his little sister, JP.

Now look at Sawyer and Jack. Kate (similar to Kelly) is stuck between these two alpha males, and although they may be forming a bond don’t think Sawyer would not try to ruin Jack and Kate’s blossoming love affair (just like Slater did to Zach). Jack has out-foxed Sawyer many times (i.e., beating him at poker and getting the back the guns), just as Zach did to Slater. And Jack is the leader while Sawyer is just the sexy sidekick, like Zach was when he came up with elaborate ideas to seek revenge against Jessie’s evil stepbrother, Eric.

Eric represents the others. Johnny Dakota is an “other” as well; because he did drugs…the ”others” do drugs too.

There are many more examples, but I’ve been drinking so they aren’t readily available in my mind right now. Suffice to say Zach = Jack and Slater = Sawyer. I don’t think Jack and Sawyer will ever get along, but will form a weird bond in the same way Zach and Slater did.

This all makes sense. But what about the other characters, you may ask? That is easy.

Hurley? He is just a larger version of Screech. This makes sense because Libby falls into the role of Violet.

Well who would be Lisa Turtle’s equivalent? Some might say Rose, but that’s just because they are both black. That’s racist. I don’t role like that. Ms. Turtle is obviously Sun. Sun had to change her ways to be with Jin, much like Lisa did so so she could be with Brian. Sun and Jin had a falling out, similar to when Lisa told Brian, “Au revoir, creep.” You go girl!

Jessica Merdle Spano? That’s Shannon. You see, Shannon was kind of a whore and Jessie was in Showgirls, because she too is a whore. It makes sense.

Belding? Well the schoolteacher was blown up, so that doesn’t work. Dick Belding’s equal would have to be Bernard, mostly because they both are annoying and balding. (I like Belding more; Bernard is a f**k.)

Kate is Kelly and Zach is Jack. They will have a prom on a picnic table. Sawyer of course is Slater, but does not have the tank tops…yet.

Lost is just Saved by the Bell: Hawaiian Style. That was filmed in Hawaii too, just like Lost is.

All of this just reinforces my theory that everything in life (since the 1990’s) is based off of Saved by the Bell. It’s a fact…just like creationism.

The Problem with Modern Psychiatry

My new running route takes me right past Riverview Community High School. As I ran by the home of the Pirates the girl’s softball team was playing, I heard the shot of a track gun and cheers from the stands. I was immediately overcome by nostalgia.

As my mind wandered from May track meets to the perfect Michigan spring evenings, I began to think about Mr. Franka and the Advanced Psychology course I took as a junior in high school.

Psychology was the only elective that I could take. I’m not very artistic, I have no knowledge about electrical engineering and I am lost when it comes to any automotive technology. I excelled at psychology and as a naïve sixteen year-old I decided I was going to go to college, major in psychology and then go to medical school and eventually specialize in psychiatry. I thought psychiatrists knew more than psychologists and I would be able to fully understand human behavior.

During my collegiate years I began to better understand the differences between psychiatry and psychology and became frustrated with the use of medications to treat all mental illnesses. I developed a pompous, liberal idealism that good universities promote toward psychology and abandoned all biological etiologies theorized in mental illnesses.

I was an ambitious teenager and college student. (By the way where did that ambition go?) My life has followed that teenage plan fairly closely, but now I have realized I can never practice in the field of psychiatry.

As my knowledge has expanded and matured throughout medical school I haven lessened my undergraduate philosophies and understood there may be some biological factors attributing to mental illnesses and moreover that medication can actually be helpful in the treatment and hopeful recovery of these disorders.

Anti-depressants, mood stabilizers, anti-psychotics, etc. have been helpful in the symptomatic treatment of depression, bipolar disorders and psychosis. One treatment I have not changed my views on throughout my schooling is electroconvulsive therapy (ECT).

ECT, once the first line treatment for mood disorders and depression, is now only indicated in cases of refractory depression and depression unresponsive to medical management. Although it is not as inhumane as it has been portrayed in popular media (One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest) it is still an outrageously absurd treatment.

Two electrodes are applied bitemporally and electricity is sent into the brain causing tonic/clonic (grand mal) seizures. The 30-60 second seizures are done 2-3 times/week for roughly twelve weeks. The mechanism of action (why tonic/clonic seizures alleviate depression) is unknown.

Last Friday I was a part of five ECT. I was morally and ethically torn about this when my attending asked me to participate Thursday before I left the hospital. If I were a pro-life individual and a physician asked me to participate in an abortion I would have the right to decline care for that patient. However, I was not sure what my boundaries were with ECT. Thus, I sat in on these treatments like a good medical student.

It reminded me of why I began to dislike psychiatry so much as an undergrad at Michigan State University. Psychiatry should be based in the healing of the human soul, as Sigmund Freud intended it to be when he founded the profession. However, over the years the discipline of psychiatry has been anything but healing, from the overt racist research of Social Darwinism to the Frontal Lobotomy and Egaz Moniz’s Nobel Prize to medications with serious adverse reactions and health risks.

The prevalence of psychiatric illnesses has not decreased since the advent of modern psychiatry, which largely deserted its founder’s principles. Recently a study was done in the Psychiatric Services Journal and the authors reported a disturbing trend in the routine practice of mental illnesses. They illustrated that psychiatrists often followed the evidence-based guidelines for pharmacological therapies, but were poor at following the recommendations for psychotherapy treatments, such as psychoanalysis. Although the authors pointed to some methodological flaws in their study, their conclusions represent what I have seen from working in group homes and now on the psychiatric ward at Henry Ford Wyandotte Hospital.

These psychiatrists who treat solely with medications and with ECT do not mean to do harm to their patients. However, these practices do not offer to promote a true healing of an individual’s mental illness.

For the rest of my run I remembered why I loved psychology as high school student. It was a vibrant and interesting topic that allowed for intellectual debate. But as I matured as a person and student I began to see the problems with modern psychiatry. The use of medications and ECT are taking precedent over efficacious psychotherapies. I have done a good job following the goals I set out for myself as a sixteen year-old, but now I have to go in a different direction as I realized I cannot practice in a field of medicine that has become myopic in it’s treatments and theories about psychopathologies.