Jack and Sawyer = Zach and Slater?

For those of you who watch Lost and are Saved by the Bell aficionados, it is hard not to notice the similarities between the two shows.

What? Let me explain.

Sawyer, in the last episode before the season finale told Jack that he was essentially his only friend since the Mexican hottie he had just dorked was murder by crazy Michael. (Have you are have you not been dorked?)

How cute. Does this sound familiar though; two rivals befriending each other and realizing they are more alike than different?

Think about it. Zach and Slater didn’t get along at first, but eventually roomed together at Cal U. At first AC’s muscular body, tank tops and athletic ability intimidated Zachy. Slater certainly had never run into anyone as savvy and good-looking as Zach in the previous schools he had attended.

Their tumultuous relationship was accented by a battle over the sex-bomb Kelly Kapowski. Zach tried to have Slater leave Bayside by spreading a rumor that Slater was dying and could only be saved if he moved to Hawaii, he killed AC’s lizard, Arnie, and used subliminal messages to have Kelly take him to the dance over Slater.

Slater wasn’t any better. He ruined a study date with Zach and the new girl Joanna, he always tried to thwart Kelly and Zach’s teenage love and he cock-blocked Zach from his little sister, JP.

Now look at Sawyer and Jack. Kate (similar to Kelly) is stuck between these two alpha males, and although they may be forming a bond don’t think Sawyer would not try to ruin Jack and Kate’s blossoming love affair (just like Slater did to Zach). Jack has out-foxed Sawyer many times (i.e., beating him at poker and getting the back the guns), just as Zach did to Slater. And Jack is the leader while Sawyer is just the sexy sidekick, like Zach was when he came up with elaborate ideas to seek revenge against Jessie’s evil stepbrother, Eric.

Eric represents the others. Johnny Dakota is an “other” as well; because he did drugs…the ”others” do drugs too.

There are many more examples, but I’ve been drinking so they aren’t readily available in my mind right now. Suffice to say Zach = Jack and Slater = Sawyer. I don’t think Jack and Sawyer will ever get along, but will form a weird bond in the same way Zach and Slater did.

This all makes sense. But what about the other characters, you may ask? That is easy.

Hurley? He is just a larger version of Screech. This makes sense because Libby falls into the role of Violet.

Well who would be Lisa Turtle’s equivalent? Some might say Rose, but that’s just because they are both black. That’s racist. I don’t role like that. Ms. Turtle is obviously Sun. Sun had to change her ways to be with Jin, much like Lisa did so so she could be with Brian. Sun and Jin had a falling out, similar to when Lisa told Brian, “Au revoir, creep.” You go girl!

Jessica Merdle Spano? That’s Shannon. You see, Shannon was kind of a whore and Jessie was in Showgirls, because she too is a whore. It makes sense.

Belding? Well the schoolteacher was blown up, so that doesn’t work. Dick Belding’s equal would have to be Bernard, mostly because they both are annoying and balding. (I like Belding more; Bernard is a f**k.)

Kate is Kelly and Zach is Jack. They will have a prom on a picnic table. Sawyer of course is Slater, but does not have the tank tops…yet.

Lost is just Saved by the Bell: Hawaiian Style. That was filmed in Hawaii too, just like Lost is.

All of this just reinforces my theory that everything in life (since the 1990’s) is based off of Saved by the Bell. It’s a fact…just like creationism.