As I got done shaving today and looked in the mirror and I saw I still have acne. I’m 25 years old. Then I thought about all my other physical imperfections and my personality traits and I realized I’m a nerd.
The terms nerd, geek and dork are three terms commonly thrown around as if they are synonyms. They aren’t.
A nerd, despite what some might say, is not a Never Ending Radical Dude or hair on an elephants butt. Nope, a nerd is a person who has distinctly different personality traits coupled with certain physical attributes.
A geek is similar to a nerd, but just more socially awkward.
Finally, a dork lacks social abilities altogether. He/she has a much more severe case of geekness.
It would be interesting to know if these three terms are a continuum or if they are three distinct personalities. For instance, could a nerd progress to a geek or dork. Interesting. I don’t know?
So I’ve developed a screening test to determine if one is a nerd, at high risk for being a nerd or at low risk. If others have told you that you are socially inept and you score in the nerd range, then you may be a geek or a dork.
Here’s the NSA (Nerd Screening Assessment):
Physical Scale
1. You are over 23 years old and still have medical problems commonly seen in adolescence, i.e. acne. (This excludes life-long chronic disease that are diagnosed in children, i.e. epilepsy, heart murmurs, etc.).
2. You wear glasses. (You do not get a point if you use contacts at any time. So if you wear glasses only at night while you are in your house, this does not count).
3. You have some form of orthodontics in your mouth, i.e. a retainer.
4. You began puberty later than the rest of your peers. (Sure this is out of your control, but it seems to correlate well with nerds, geeks and dorks. It could be what caused the social inadequacies, so this may be a chicken or the egg argument. Regardless it made the screen).
5. If you are a male and you have been beaten-up by a female (at any point in your life. However, if you have been beat-up because the female was defending herself, this does not count. If the latter event has happened, you need to take the ass-hole screening test).
Personality Scale
1. You were 20 years or older the first time you had sex. (This means you made it through two full years of college without intercourse).
2. You wake up early to watch Saved By the Bell, or you own all five seasons (yes even the awful episodes with Tori).
3. You skip out on parties or gatherings because you prefer to be alone. (This can be done 5-8 times within a calendar year. You only receive a point if you have done it more than eight times in one year).
4. You are out of college or are over the age of 25 and you have cardboard cutouts of cartoon characters or characters from movies in your living room, i.e. Homer Simpson or Chewbacca).
5. You dislike all sports or athletic events. (This includes any sport that could potentially be on ESPN, minus poker).
Each yes to one of the statements counts for one point. A female can only receive a maximum of nine points because number five on the physical scale only applies to male.
If you had 8-10 points – you most likely are a nerd.
If you had 5-7 points – you are at high risk for being a nerd.
If you had below five points – you are at low risk for being considered a nerd.
I scored perfect on the physical attributes and very high on the personality characteristics scales. I have a total of nine points, which does put me into the nerd category. I’m just thankful my friends don’t mind being around a nerd…or do they?
Are you a nerd? Take the screen and find out.
